Trying the Art of Letting Go.

everyday is a struggle for me. yes, until now.
everyday, i realize that i am still a work in progress.

today, i am trying my best to let go...

- of the painful past
- of impatience
- of negative emotions
- of overthinking
- of being super sensitive
- of friends??? uuhhhmmm, unhealthy friends.

all these absorb my energy. everytime, i try to exert effort to entertain, i end up really frustrated, disappointed and drained all at the same time.

Mixed Emotions

what a comeback!

i was certainly in total hibernation for awhile like almost a month since my last post. i admit i didn't have the desire to write something even if i was in such rollercoaster ride in the past weeks. i don't know. it maybe pure laziness or something else.

and then just today, i was reminded. i suddenly felt i have no one except myself to cling on to. (here i am again expecting a lot from other people). i am total wreck! i am losing patience. i am losing kindness. i am almost losing love. i don't know which situation triggered all these. i am finding it hard to understand others. it felt difficult to even show them patience. and now, my relationships are affected just because i am all focused on myself. *sigh*

good thing i have this blog to vent out my emotions especially when there's no one to talk to. coz, everytime i feel this way, i always think nobody cares. they seem all too far away. *another sigh*

Is it required?I mean seriously...

ohh my first post after days of hibernation :)

the past days were spent preparing for the big day. research, research and more research. now, im tired stalking those helpful sites. but apart from the preparation, got really busy fixing things up between us. reality really sinks in big time and if its not too much, on the least unexpected time. oh well, nothing much to do but to deal with it or else everything will disappear in a flash. *sigh*

but seriously, it got me to thinking if its really required to deal with all those arguments with all my heart into it? i admit im a sappy emotional freak and mostly than not, i over react. yes, even to the littliest tiniest stuff. so i always end up feeling lost because i dwell too much on an issue. at the back of my head, i reason that things need to be settled now or never. but i learned along the way that most people don't think like i do. poor me for thinking the other way around. you can just imagine how much time and energy i've wasted for all the drama.

anyway, i have made up my mind! im not talking. i will find myself because i think i lost it somewhere. i have to bring it home so i could really, seriously continue living. don't get me wrong, im still sane but with my active other self a.k.a alter ego. *wink*

on another note, is it really required for a B2B to have a MOH? duh! i think i'll not have one unless the church would allow me to have a male version. *grin*

Some days are just not better

so this is one of my "not so" good days. i admit i'm being pessimistic for quite awhile now. this inspite of the positive "insights of the day" i receive in my email and some other "law of attraction" articles.

a lot of things are just running circles in my head. sometimes i convince myself to lie low from all the hassles and worries but there's no denying that i simply can't avoid it. its hard to forgive myself for worrying too much of some things that are yet to happen. that's just me...a worry-freak!but in fairness, im almost in the opposite side now. crawling myself really hard to get there. but see, i can't do this alone. i need other people to help me out. and i am freakingly expecting this from my loved ones - family, closest friends (if i have one), and yes from the boyfriend.

many times, i felt that its only this little nook that is giving me comfort. i can write anything, anytime. i can rant and rave and i feel peaceful and happy afterwards even if i don't get any response. i admit, im badly longing for this kind of comfort, to say the least *sigh*.

but of course, i still want to be on track. i still want to believe in magic and miracles. i still want to believe that this year is my year, that this year something grand will happen. that this year, all my dreams will come true. i still want to but some days are just not better...

To All my Blogmates...

i've been really busy preparing for something which explains my silence in the past few days. but aside from that, i hate to check this blog because i've lost some of my widgets and that includes my linklist. *crying out loud*

i felt such a loser coz i tried editing my layout weeks ago but don't know how to retrieve my original codes *sigh*. so in my frustration, i tinkered more and finally was able to bring back my original layout and some. but my link list, still nowhere to be found :(

so to all who visits my little nook, please do leave your links so i can visit yours too :D i have to apologize coz i have this little problem with my memory :-(

'lil brother

i took this picture before he left for their class christmas party.
mama told him, they're going to wear "civilian" for the party
he got mad coz he thought, "civilian" is some kinda uniform
i told him its just nice polo and pants
he complied and asked me to put on some gel on his hair.

***
yesterday, mama saw him staring to nowhere while lying in bed
she asked, "what's wrong?"
he said, "i miss the two ladies" while wiping his eyes
she asked, "who?"
he said, "the two ladies who just left"
(my sister left for dubai last dec 26 and i followed on the 27th)

***
few hours ago, i spoke to him through ym
we talked for almost an hour
i asked him if he misses me
he said, he has been crying for days
"mingaw man ko nimo", he uttered
he told me to bring him here in sg during his summer vacation
i said, i will.

***
he is only 7 years old
my only brother and our youngest
you bet, he is spoiled.
coz he came 16 years after my youngest sister.
he is our angel and our miracle.